I like ironies and metaphors and paradoxes… and i’m experiencing one of life’s servings of such presently.
I have wanderlust . Hehehe. Though I haven’t gotten the chance to do much about it, I love travelling and I always appreciate any chance to change environment, albeit temporarily. It’s been a dear desire of mine for the longest time. I’m not a huge fan of routine. I’m one who appreciates the spice of constant change, so you can imagine my excitement when the USA gave me an American visa and permanent residency. It was a dream! An exciting one and I was getting the opportunity to live it! Oh dreams do come true! The expected procedures for preparation set in- interview, form filling, documentations and screenings… Everyone was excited for me!
Then reality slammed into me!
This is a perfect irony!
I was leaving behind friends, family, certain comfort and all things familiar in my little corner of the world and I was stepping out into the big wide world with its cold uncertainties and unfamiliar offerings.
I almost had a panic attack! While everyone was excited about me getting this incredible opportunity, my heartstrings quaked at the thought of leaving behind my wonderful mama, my awesome siblings and my amazing friends. I lost all excitement… couldn’t stir it up. But I remembered a thought I used to whisper to myself in those moments when the possibility of my travel dreams dimmed dangerously in the shadows. I would tell myself that “I’m a citizen of the world and the world is at my fingertips”. This helped me ease out of my funk.
Well, here I am…one week on American soil and the funk still plays in my heart, some days, it’s soft and seems to be slowly fading; other days, it comes clashing through my heart in loud beats. It’s especially hard on days when I play a song on my phone or have a memory that triggers how much I miss home, days when I experience something new in America and I achingly wish I could share it with them. On days like that, it sinks in even deeper that:
It’s fall here and it’s probably blazing hot (or crazy weather) back home
It’s daytime here and they are sleeping soundly at home
I’m alone here and they all are thousands of miles away
Oh I miss home and my family and my friends so sorely
I long for their company and touch and presence
But I will be present where I am too
I will keep the longing for home alive
And also fan the flames of expectation for where I am
I will embrace what the world has to offer
“I feel like a little plankton without roots
Just floating along whatever course
God sets me on”
TowYourSea
Flow! 