I moved to America, October 2014 and sincerely yours, I didn’t have a big picture or dream of what I was coming here to do. I had fragments of dreams, more like individual pixels but not a complete big picture. But three things were certain- I wanted to max out this opportunity by creating amazing memories and experiences, I wanted to get the much talked about American education and I wanted to work to make some money. I have other dreams other than that but those will align as I get into the system. Quite a number of people asked me, what are your plans? At first I was a little shaken by my inability to give a more concrete answer than work and school but that seemed to satisfy most people so I was spared further prodding. But I couldn’t shake off the thought of how my other dreams fit into this new environment. I’m still trying to figure that out. Oh well, I believe it will all align as I go along.
It’s been four months since I got here with my three clear pictures and the other blurry ones. So far, I have only had just a few experiences because, the cold. I resume school in the Fall and I haven’t gotten a job yet. In fact, the job issue has not been fun at all. I mean, if my laptop could show a history of the jobs I’ve applied to, I have no doubt it will be in the hundreds. That’s gist for another post.
So while I await a job and school resumption, a friend of mine suggested I write about what it’s been like since I’ve been here. So, as I dey here dey observe, here’s what I found out:
- Snow is fluffy and nice. It’s like that powdery bit of ice in your refrigerator that doesn’t freeze up. That one you spent most of your childhood, scrapping and treating yourself to, your special fantasy ice cream. Maybe you even got yourself locked up in the refrigerator once or twice while at it. Yes that one. It’s loose and sprinkly. And to be honest, when it snows, it’s not so cold. The cold is okay. that’s why people can have fun with it. But it turns evil when the sun shines on the snow and it glazes over and turns to ice. That’s when the meanness of winter steps in and spoils all the fun. Then you feel the bite of cold. And oh don’t forget the slips and crashing falls. Ohhhh. The best thing that can happen to snow is rain. It melts it and washes it away. And the best thing you can do for yourself when snow glazes over is to wear snow boots or shoes with slip-resistant soles. You’ll be saving yourself a lot of falls, I assure you.
- Winter is a cold damn witch. Sigh. No words can possibly describe the cold. You simply have to feel it to understand. You don’t know numb until you’ve been winter numbed. The bite. The slap that brings tears to your eyes. Oh the bitter bitter cold. And there’s the crazy itch. I’m not sure if it’s caused by the dry air or the lack of blood-flow when your limbs are numb but that itch is horrible. No matter how hard you scratch it, you never feel relief and though you’re clawing at it with your fingers, you feel like you’re only rubbing your knuckles on it because your skin is numb. Instead of relief, you begin to feel inadequate as a human being because you cannot relieve your own itch. The itch worsens and then you’re served a cold topping of inadequacy. Can you see just how charming Winter is?
- It’s all fun and funky until coats, beanies, gloves, mufflers and boots go from being fashion-statement items for denge-pose to survival essentials for winter. Oh yeah. They are actually not fun to you MUST wear them. Too many extras to juggle. But you need them to survive winter. Never leave home without them.
- I totally love seeing my warm breath in the cold air. There’s just this tiny little thrill i get from it. At least, something good must come out of this winter somehow. I sometimes imagine, what if our breaths come out as cartoon characters or colors based on how fresh or otherwise they are? Won’t that be some fun?! Something to ease up the winter blues. Hehehe
- Layering is an art. A fine art. Oh yeah. Wearing up to four layers of clothing will become a stroll for you. You will learn to pile on clothes with such expertise, you’ll start thinking of making money from it. And not just any type of clothes. You’ll learn what materials are best for keeping warm and which best resist the cold; which should be the first layer and which should be the face of them all. Oh you will learn. And not necessarily through teaching.
- Winter is a distant relative of harmattan. It’s colder, of course. But it dries the skin too. The intricate web of cracked skin will surprise you. The humongous chunk of ori my mother gave me has been my skin savior. You gotta load up on the moisturizers.
- Weather forecasts and meteorologists are gems from heaven. They do a fantastic job of preparing you for what lies ahead, when, how much of it to expect and for how long. So far, they’ve been over 95% correct, as far as I’m concerned and that is as near perfect as I can ask for.
- Within winter alone, there are different variations to the weather. There’s sleet, rain, freezing rain, snow, wicked wind and just plain mean cold for no particular reason. And that’s why you need to know the forecast to know what to expect. You really really don’t want to be caught unprepared. Oh no, you don’t. Never leave home without it.
- Get ready to second-guess your ability to speak English. Nobody cares if you were the poster child of all your English classes throughout your academic history. You will learn the art of repeating yourself to be understood. You know that popular axiom “Seek first to understand, then be understood“? Here’s my own version of it as it applies to life here- “Speak first to be heard, second to be heard clearly and then to be understood.” You will learn patience because how else can you deal with speaking a twenty-word sentence and the listener says they only heard one word? One word?!Really?! You’ll also learn to listen keenly.
- It will be totally amazing if you’re able to read and write. It’s essential for survival here. Except you don’t intend to go out and get things done. I was a college undergraduate (studying Communications) when I left Nigeria but I still encountered some challenges with communication. Bitter irony, right? I can’t even imagine someone who can’t at least communicate in English. It will be tough balls. Especially for older folks. If you’re bringing your parents here, have them sharpen their English communication skills as they prepare to come over. If they can learn basic computer skills as well, it won’t hurt.
- There are so many chicken meals, you’d think there’s a chicken invasion. Or some type of fowl play somewhere. And don’t even get me started on the different ways chicken can possibly be prepared.
- The houses here are pako houses. Hehehehehe. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be mean but I just had to say it that way. It was asking for it. They are cute and really nice but they are made of wood. I was shocked to find out. Someone mentioned that it was because of the natural disasters so that the wreckage will be easier to clear and the casualties will be less fatal. I don’t know how true that it but it is what it is. Pako.
- A car is a necessity. No disputes. No arguments. Imagine that you have to commute for over one hour with public transport to a place where you can easily drive to within just fifteen minutes. People’s lives are wasted in commuting, I tell you. And I repeat, a car is a necessity.
- I think it’s the cold or something but people have a very disgusting habit of spitting indiscriminately. And not just plain ole spit. I’m talking the heavy stuff that comes from the intense hacking of the agbari. It’s just disgusting. And they do it everywhere. In the store. On the bus. In the library. And nobody else but me flinches. Guess I’m still waiting for that memo. So I can rip it to shreds. And burn it. Because it’s totally disgusting and people shouldn’t be comfortable with it.
- And another disgusting thing is the guys who stick their hands all the way into their jeans. Not in the pockets. No. Over the waist and right down into their jeans. Right into the cradle of their genitalia. I know it’s cold and probably there’s a furnace of warmth down there where they warm their freezing hands. But camman! That’s just wrong. It reminds me very unfondly of the many guys back in Lagos who urinate in public and whom I gat no love for. All I can think about is those unwashed hands touching me through a handshake or just any form of contact. I dread that. Those hands are unwashed and sullied. Gross.
- Wanna know what awkward feels like? Sitting in a bus or metro and trying so hard not to make eye contact with the person in front of you because, well, who wants to be the creep? It’s so hilarious how everyone keeps looking everywhere else but at each other. But even more hilarious is how everyone seem to be looking away and reading the signs “It is unlawful to drink, eat, smoke or play a device without earphones”. There’s just so many times you can read the same, very short, signs. Yet, side eyes are busy doing all the scanning to see if any one particular person is staring.
- Despite the seeming detachment and on-your-own vibe, most people actually will gist with you for the few minutes you both wait for the bus or train. So long as you don’t weird them out. And you’ll be surprised, sometimes pleasantly so, at how much you can learn within a few minutes of shared humanity. People are actually kind at their core. You just need to make them feel comfortable around you.
- The postal service is real. And I totally love receiving letters and mails through the post. Emails? Yawn. I now find it boring from overuse. I mean, this is the tech age, emails are the norm and as such, they already tend to be boring and quite frankly, overwhelming too. But oh to hold a piece of papermail with your name emblazoned on it; to savor the rustling, brittle beauty of it. Ahhhhh. Well, only if it doesn’t contain bills or a request for payments. Hehehehehehe
- Public libraries are also a real life thing here too. And they have fantastic books, up-to-date and all. And WiFi. That’s one of my favorite places. I sometimes wish I could be a library mouse so I can read all the amazing books in the library and be very wise and knowing. But then I remember the life expectancy of mice and I wish no longer.
- So also are ghettos and poor people. It might be hard to come to terms with but there are poor struggling people here too. Not everyone is rich and living large. There are homeless people who live out on the streets. In the wicked winter cold. Those movies tell some truth afterall.
- There are sooooo many health-related ads on TV, it’s weird.
- I know the jingle of most of the ads. Hahahaha. Not because I spend all my time watching TV but because they are just really nice and memorable. You can boogie-down to most of them.
- Not everybody loves Obama. Such is life.
- Getting a job is a not a fun affair. I’ll break it down in another post.
- The dollar might be valuable but nobody has so many dollars that they don’t know what to do with them. Nope. If anything, America teaches you discipline, responsibility and accountability, else you’ll be in debt and before you know it, you’re probably homeless or worse. There are bills to pay and most people’s earning go to paying the bills. Phone bills, rent/mortgage, gas and electric bills, Internet, water, health, car and other insurance, and other bills. You don’t want to be broke here, I assure you. It can be a cold cold world out here if you’re broke. And just so we get it clear and out of the way, there are no dollar-breeding trees here. Nah-ah. I checked. Nope. None. So do be considerate with making demands of Americanahs. Life is not a bed of party jollof rice here. Just like everywhere in the world, there are the good, the bad and the ugly.
I’m sure there are others so I’ll keep updating as they unfold and as I remember them. I do not wish you winter. I wish you warm, balmy days so you can wear you beautiful soft cotton tops, shorts and sandals.
#18DaysToSpring!!!
Cheers!
- denge-pose- show-off
- harmattan- a dry and very cold season in Nigeria which occurs during the last few and early weeks of the year.
- ori- shea butter
- pako- wooden
- agbari- the part inside the mouth, connecting the nose and the throat, I think 😀
- Americanahs- Nigerians in America.
- jollof- a very popular and widely loved rice meal made by making the rice with choice ingredients, especially tomatoes, peppers and onions. It’s a meal of glorious awesomeness and it’s a staple at Nigerian parties.
Flow! 